I love being a mom ... it's far surpassed any expectations I had about what it would be like. But even with that said ... I'M TERRIFIED OF BEING A STAY-AT-HOME MOM! When Boston was born my boss told me I could take 8 weeks off ... I came back 3 weeks later. I didn't like being at home all day. I was just siiting around thinking about work so I figured I might as well go back. Part of that is just because I love my job but another part of me just wonders if I'm really cut out for it.
Right now I work 3 days a week and the other 2 days I'm home with Boston... when I'm at work time seems to fly by and I love knowing that Boston is home with Mark and that they'll be there happy to see me when I get home. On the other hand when I stay home with Boston ... the days just seem to drag on, he sleeps half of the time and I get bored ... I feel like I'm just counting down the time until Mark gets home. It makes me feel so pathetic.
I thought wanting to stay at home with my kids would just develope naturally when I started having children. What's wrong with me? When I was growing up it seemed like so many of my friends aspired to be a mom while that was the farthest thing from my mind. I aspired to have a career, to be a doctor, and to win a nobel prize for curing cancer or something. I knew I would want to have kids so I hoped I would marry someone who would want to be a stay-at-home dad. Well that part worked out okay... Mark would rather have me work while he stayed home with the kids but we both know that's not what he's suposed to do. I know Mark is suposed to have a career, I know I don't want someone else taking care of our kids so I only see one option left...
So the question remains... if I'm suposed to be a stay-at-home mom then why does the thought of it scare me so much? Why do I have this burning desire to do something different. Why do I crave going back to school and having a career? What's wrong with me?... Has anyone else felt this way?
Monday, April 20, 2009
A moment of truth...
Posted by Natasha at 12:36 PM
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8 comments:
Don't you worry, I think everyone has that thought!! I know that I have, it is so hard to be home all day! I try to mix things up with having somewhere to go or something to do every single day, but some days I still count the hours until David comes home! It is a BIG adjustment. You aren't alone!!! Many women have told me that the first child is the hardest, and then after about a year, the routine gets easier and you aren't feeling trapped as often. I can only hope for that! Good luck!!!!
Hey Natasha,
*Warning- longest response ever!*
I am the exact same way. It's funny b/c I feel surrounded by people who LOVE staying home and that is what they have aspired to their whole lives...ex) my mom, best friend from high school, friends here who have in house day cares (not in a million years for me), etc. Anyways, I've never been passionate about staying home- it bored me to tears (as you can see from previous blog posts of mine). You know that I did start working full time for about 2 months before I got laid off (huge blessing, actually). Since having that experience, I have enjoyed staying at home so much more and things are a lot different than before I started working. Before I started working, my days were similar to what you wrote about in your post...wishing for Jared to come home, bored out of my mind, etc. Since working, I've changed my routine and done a lot of things to make me so much happier. Please take any suggestion that works for you! #1. I joined a gym w/ free childcare. I can go whenever I want and take classes. We also have a jogging stroller. I get out everyday and do some kind of exercise - and Noah is usually with me, or at least close. #2. I leave the house every single day. I divide the day into three segments. 1.) the morning 2.) afternoon and 3.) when Jared is home. It sounds silly, but it makes the day go by faster. Noah and I go to the library (I always get books and movies), make plans with friends (playgroups), go shopping, go to places like the pet store (Noah loves the animals), meet Jared for lunch, go on picnics, think up crafts I can do (like making homemade thank you cards, picture frames, etc). During the segment of my day when I am home (either 1 or 2, depending on when I go out), I clean, do laundry, organize a room or closet, or if I'm really ambitious, I'll make dinner! lol. The day flies by like this. I never think about making it through the whole day, just through part 1 of the day or part 2. I keep a calendar and always write stuff I want to get done- even if it's just optional. For example, tomorrow I want to go to the baby consignment shop and sell baby clothes that we don't want to keep, and buy Noah new summer clothes. I don't HAVE to do it tomorrow, but sometimes if I don't write it down and schedule it, I never get it done.
ALSO: I am starting grad school part time in the Fall. Like you, I just need that extra thing for myself. After graduating, I'd like to teach some part time classes at the community college. I still want to be educated even though I am staying at home. One day, I'd like to write a book.
I really did feel like you do right now, but if you make a few small adjustments, I really think you can enjoy spending your time at home with Boston and you can still feel like you are progressing too. I hope any of that helps!
I've never been a stay-at-home mom before, and I don't plan on it :D -- but I do want my wife to be one. I'll go ahead and admit here that I'm a fan of Dr. Laura and I tune in to her radio show pretty often. She supports stay at home moms and has plenty of praise for them. Pardon the plug, but she has just published a book called "In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms". I got the book for myself and Shalauna to read and so far it's great. I bet if you read it you'd love it too! :D
Check out the book at amazon.com
You aren't alone natasha. It is a big adjustment to stay at home all day when you are used to working full time or going to school. I had a hard time when Ella was younger because they sleep so much and it gets boring at times. But now that she is older it is so much fun to be home with her and teach her things. I had to pickup some hobbies to occupy my time more and I would love to get a masters degree too! But don't feel bad about the way you are feeling. I think it is totally something everyone goes through but hard for some to admit.
I can agree with everyones comments about staying at home. When I was prego I was at home all day too. That was even worse though. So now that little Chloe is around, I am not so alone all day long. The only difference was I could go anywhere I wanted to before and now I have extra cargo so to speak. I hear it gets better, so I guess we will have to hang in there til it does. I also try to join in with some ladies in the ward who are also stay at home moms and get together at LEAST once a week, or go visit other friends in the area. :)
You are so not alone. I found the first three years (!) really hard. I enjoyed my kids (now 7 and 4) but I didn't particularly enjoy motherhood - and I'd always wanted to be a SAHM. I was glad I was a SAHM, it was just hard!
For me it was very boring and frustrating. I wasn't bored when my little ones were napping, that was when I could get on with my projects, crafts, at times running my businesses etc (when my first was a toddler I had an online scrapbooking products store, when my second was 6 months old I started a portrait photography business.) It was when they were awake that I found it very boring and tedious. Yes, they are precious and I loved being with them but the things that amuse a baby / toddler are things that bore me and then of course there's the grind of housework.
It really, really does get easier and more fun, I promise! Of course, by the time my eldest was at a fabulous age (3y4m) my second came along so I started all over again! But now that they are 7 and 4 I am enjoying motherhood and being a SAHM so, so much. Totally love it.
What was absolutely vital to me when my boys were babies / toddlers was having "comrades in the trenches" - other moms with babies and young children. We would get together at each others' houses a few times a week, or go to a park together, toddler groups, etc. It was great to have someone to chat with at toddler group while my sons played, or to have the kids play together at one of our houses while the moms chatted or helped each other with chores. It was such a blessing to have other moms in the same stage of life as me, people who could understand the ups and downs. We also traded off child-care and it was actually easier having another toddler in the house to amuse my own so it worked out great both ways (when I was doing the child care or when someone else had my boys and I had free time.)
I loved all the comments made. Don't worry Natasha. You are definitely NOT alone. I think it would be safe to say that ALL stay at home moms struggle at times with different issues. Whether it's boredom, monotony, exhaustion, feeling overwhelmed, whatever the case may be. Being a SAH mom is HARD. I think half the battle is being honest with yourself. Realizing that it's ok for you to feel some frustration. And knowing that it's normal. Good for you for recognizing and admitting it. You are a WONDERFUL mom. Boston is thriving. He's a lucky kid.
I'm so proud of you for your honesty about your feelings, Natasha! As everyone else said, your feelings are normal and you shouldn't feel alone in them. Having said that, you are one very ambitious and smart young woman. I think that personality type is harder to be happy only at home. That doesn't mean it is impossible,though. I really like a lot of the comments and ideas that others had to say. My advise would be to see if you can still do a little something on the side. Maybe something you could do from home, or something that you could do one or two days a week. I do know that I am so glad I was able to stay home with my children when they were young. I definitely know they benefited from that. On the other hand, I think I was slightly depressed for the same reasons you mentioned. I do know that I am happy working now because it is something that I really enjoy and know I am good at. So,I don't know what the answer is. I do think it is a sacrifice that we make as mothers. Remember there are seasons to life. If you can't work out any little diversions now, there will be many years for you when your children are grown.
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